The Dragonfly.

Probably about 2 weeks after CJ was killed, I began notiflying my Etsy customers that I won't be taking orders for a while, and that those promised would have to wait.  I put my shop on "vacation" mode with an explaination.  I have become "online" friends with many people who follow my creations, and I am forever grateful and appreciative of those people who continue to patronize and collect my silly little animals.  I love creating them, especially new challenges.  But at the beginning of the grieving process I could already tell even the joy I receive from this couldn't overcome the black pit of sorrow I'd fallen into.  I kept my Etsy doors closed but did begin the long process of reading the hundreds of condolence messages sent by admirers, friends, and strangers.

Although all were comforting in many ways, one really touched me deeply.  A thoughtful woman named Becky sent the story of a dragonfly, which I pray you take the time to read, because it is the story of my own little miracle and ray of hope:

Dragonfly Story:

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.
"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return.

"That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third.

No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why."

"We promise", they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

The dragonfly remembered the promise: "the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water.

"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air....

The story blessed me at the time but I was soon busy with life and trying to cope.

About a week later I was in the garden pulling weeds, and was overcome with sadness.  It had been an especially hard day, and my thoughts seemed to drift to CJ every 10 minutes and with it came tears.  I had no ambition.  No will.  I stuck my spade in the dirt, bent my head over and began to wail.  Those who have lost children probably understand.  I cried like a baby with no regard to who heard me or saw me, covering my face with my hands. 

Just then I felt something on my knee.  I opened my eyes, and there, perched on my skin, was a larger than normal dragonfly.  He was facing me, almost like he was studying my face, curiously.  I expected it to speed away when I moved, but it was patient and unafraid.  For over 10 minutes, he sat, scratching his body, cleaning his head, fluttering his wings.  A feeling of peace came over me and I smiled. 

Satisfied, he bent his legs and flew up over the garden and into the woods.  I picked up my spade and continued weeding.